Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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