Don't make out with my wife yet
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
