Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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