I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
