you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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