its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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