Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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