.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
