This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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