DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She told me I should be a condom model.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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