Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
