I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
