JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
