bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
