I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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