Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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