All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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