So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
