IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
