totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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