I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
