I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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