I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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