you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
