theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
