he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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