Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
