she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
