fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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