Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
