fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
either way he was missing a nipple.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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