I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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