Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
