on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
