We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
