I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
