I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
