I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
