everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also, beer. Big fan.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
