When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
