Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
