mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
