You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
