Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can I color on your dick again?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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