yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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