listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
