idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
