I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
