we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
