Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Who died my cat blue again?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
