He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
